It has been far too long since I sat down to write something for this blog. Hell, it’s been far too long since I sat down to write full stop. There are several good and not-so-good reasons for this, which I will get to later in this piece, in a couple of articles time, or never at all – are you feeling lucky? Regardless, I’m issuing in a new era of the Dead Dog Diary. Welcome back to those who return. To the new comers, hello, and welcome aboard.
When I first began writing this blog, I was making a huge change in my life (if anyone’s wondering what this “huge change” was, go back and read the first article, you lazy bugger). I feel this is a good time to kick it back off again, as I’m starting a hell of a change now.
I had an appointment before work this morning, during which it was confirmed that suffer from severe depression. To some of you, this will not be a surprise. To a lot of my more recent friends and acquaintances, and to new readers, surprise! I’m generally a high-functioning person with depression. One of the ways I control it is by distracting myself with work. I work a lot. Unfortunately, that’s just a distraction. To say my problems have been compounding is an understatement. The quote the psychologist I finally gave in and went to see a couple of weeks ago, I’ve “been running on less than empty for too long.”
I hate to tell people about my depression. I feel like they’ll think I’m some kind of lesser person, that I’m making a big deal out of nothing, or some other nasty hypothetical my brain comes up with. After all, depression’s all in your head, right???
I’m opening up now, because I’ve had amazing reinforcement of the kindness and generosity of people when you admit you need help. For example, my appointment this morning was only possible due to the incredible decency of my boss. He called on a contact of his, and made starting treatment possible, despite my lack of appropriate Canadian health cover. In a situation where I felt admitting my shortcomings would compromise my position at work, it only made things better. For this, I am incredibly grateful.
For my own part, I’m trying to change a number of things that will hopefully positively effect my haphazard brain chemicals. I’ve been researching the links between digestive tract health and mental illness, so have totally upended what I eat and my approach to food. Though I don’t drink ridiculous amounts, I am cutting alcohol consumption to a once a month treat. I’m working on dancing again, which is something I love and haven’t been doing much of in the last year. I’m making a bit more effort to contact my long-suffering family and friends. Maybe leaving everyone I love to move to the other side of the world wasn’t the greatest idea, but it certainly hasn’t been the worst. I’ve found so many wonderful people here, and I’ve found an industry to work in that I love. I’m trying to be less guarded, and so far it’s paying off.
For now, I think that’s enough. This blog is going to be a way for me to document my progress. There’s a lot of shit I’m going to be pushing uphill this year, not just with my beyond fabulous brain gymnastics, but with my dubious visa, my burgeoning career as a glorified garbage lady, and generally navigating my way as a stranger in a strange land. It’s going to be ridiculous, so watch this space. Feel free to leave snarky comments, throw popcorn at your screen, or storm out of the room you’re reading this in. I’ll love you anyway.
I’m off to dance my pants off. Bye for now.
deaddogdiary 