Better Than This

Australia, here’s a story for you.

One of my best friends in Canada is Kate, a fellow Vancouver-dwelling Perthian. She sent me a message today, upset, asking how we were supposed to do our postal vote for the upcoming plebiscite.

Non-Australians reading, here’s an update:

For over a decade now, our federal government (let me be clear: both major parties) has been pussyfooting around the issue of legalising gay marriage. Though for at least a decade the polls show most Australians want gay marriage to be legalised, party politics and the absurd political standoff in our nation has prevented either of the major parties from actually doing their job (making a damned decision and governing their people in a manner reflecting the will of said people). The incumbent federal parasites politicians have gone one step further. They, poor poppets, aren’t allowing a free vote in their party on the matter. The opposition have (finally) taken the stance of wanting to legalise gay marriage. It’s entirely probable that quite a few members of the shackled party want to vote for gay marriage to be legalised. Not to worry folks, the Turnbull administration aren’t going to let this happen without a good fight. In honour of last weeks Pride celebrations, no doubt, they have organized a non-binding, not compulsory plebiscite. This means every Aussie battler can use a frankly outdated and unreliable (I’m looking at you, Australia Post) method of communication to tell the pollies whether they think consenting adults should be allowed to officially declare their love for each other in an equal manner to other consenting adults.

Phew, big decisions!

Here’s the kicker: legally, we don’t need a plebiscite. Plebiscites are used to change the Constitution. There is nothing in the Australian Constitution preventing us from legalising gay marriage. This is just going to give everyone with a soapbox (me included – duh!) the chance to tell all the other people what they think about the issue. This includes people who think being gay is evil or wrong (again, “consenting adults” people!) telling LGBT+ people, an already beleaguered group, that they are evil and wrong. This includes telling LGBT+ youth, who have a much higher suicide rate than heterosexual youth, that they are less than worthy. Oh, and did I mention the government just announce people have only two weeks to register to vote?

After the protracted postal voting period (the final results being determined in mid-November), the government will decide whether or not to decide on a matter they could decide on this week. This will be an extended verbal, possibly literal, gay bashing. Oh yeah, current estimates for this little social experiment are sitting at around $95 million AUD. Frankly, there’s nothing else I can think of to spend that on. 

Sounds great, right.

If you’re angry reading this, good! You should be. This is ludicrous. Australia is behind Ireland, a Catholic country, in legalising gay marriage (disclaimer: I love the Irish, but I’m not 100% sold on some of Catholicism’s wibbly bits).

For. Fuck’s. Sake (second disclaimer: language warning – oops).

Back to the anger:

Use your anger. Get up and prove that Australians aren’t the internationally reknown arsehats we are rapidly becoming known as. *cough refugees cough*. We are good people, not backwards, bigoted, boneheaded bastards. We a small country, with boundless plains to share (though we don’t know the second verse of our national anthem), if we could start sharing them with goodness and love, imagine how wonderful life in Aus could be? As the wonderful Sir Terry Pritchett once wrote, “don’t get afraid, get angry.” Don’t let apathy win.

Handy Tips for the Rebellion:

Inform yourself: learn as much as you can about the issues around gay marriage. Visit the below website for a good start on your research mission.

Click to access AME-Fact-Sheet-Free-Vote-versus-Plebiscite.pdf

Inform others: once you are up to date on the issue, you can positively influence those who can’t see the matter for what it is – two consent adults wanting to get married and love each other. People have all sorts of reasons for embodying the fear they have, and treating them with a level of understanding is critical to them being able to understand you too. Be kind. For ideas on how to manage this without blowing a fuse, watch the TED Talk below.

Support others: if you have a bit of spare cash rattling around in your pocket, make a donation to an LGBT+ youth support group. These are the people who are going to really need the love and care at this time. One suggestion of a place to donate to in in the link below.

https://minus18.org.au/index.php/donate

Support others who you know: give love and care to the LGBT+ people in your life. Figures are iffy given research methods, but it looks like at least 5% of people identify as LGBT+. Basically, you know LGBT+ people whether you realise or not. Find these people and, without being an idiot about it, ask them what you can do to offer support.

Write to your local member of parliament: show the government you know how to use the postal service, and send a letter. Write an email. Send a carrier pigeon. Do something to express your displeasure (except sending a bag of dog poo, which is generally poorly received). Oh, and tell your friends to jump on this too. 

If you are in distress about this or anything else, please don’t be alone. If nothing else, call Lifeline: 13 11 14.

This is about all I can think of in my rage addled state, but please do something. Don’t sit back and let people be cruel. Don’t let this be one of the things that defines our nation. We are better than this. 

Author note: I’m pretty heterosexual. I do love and care for a large number of people who do not identify as straight. I have written this article to show my support, but if I have written anything you as an LGBT+ person take issue with, please let me know in the comments.

The Reality of Our Not-So-Perfect Lives

Last night, I ate a packet of New York Style Cheese flavoured chips for dinner. I’m not talking a little snack pack; I’m talking the family size, share with friends kind of packet. I ate it in less than half an hour.

While some of you may read this and applaud my ability to inhale deep-fried potato (and I acknowledge your applause with a sweeping bow), others will wonder what happened to my preachy attitude to nutrition. Rightly so, oh dubious reader. I extol the virtues of health and well being, yet cheat myself in a massive, gut-wobbling, stomach-churning, toilet-clenching kind of a way.

By the by, was that too much hyphenation, or did you get distracted by the toilet comment?

This morning, I woke up and made myself a smoothie. It was a mix of blended spinach, strawberries, banana, hemp hearts, organic peanut butter and water. It was delicious (begone, doubters!), and I realised as I drank it, I enjoyed it more than the chips. I loved the chips, but hated how gross I felt afterwards. I hated feeling dodgy eating them secretively in the car as I waited for the pharmacist to fill my script. I really hated the realisation I’d have to go into the pharmacy with a chip-dust-covered right hand. I really, really hated (should I just move to “detested” now?) the fact that I licked my hand to clean it before I went inside. While this is all proof that I’m a glamazon for the ages and will go down in the style annals of history, it also shows that I’m human.

“To err is human” is an accepted truth (thank you Alexander Pope), but I’m not alone in feeling the pressure to transcend this mode of error to one of perfection. If you look at Facebook or Instagram, you’ll see people presenting what look like perfect lives. A number of people have suggested being on social media is detrimental for people with depression. The slue of perfect people on perfect holidays with perfect partners and perfect babies eating perfect food with their perfect bodies is enough to make a perfectly normal person want to stab their eyes out with a fork some days.

Obviously this is not reality. Reality is we all suck at something. Sure, some people may have a perfect looking life, but everyone has their imperfections. The Instagram model with the perfect butt probably took that photo 50 times before they were happy with the way they looked, and still may hate her body. The person going on the fabulous holiday may be stuck behind their camera the entire time and not appreciating their surroundings, or may miss their family like crazy. The people in the Facebook-perfect relationship may be posting about how much they love each other to prove to themselves that they are actually still in love. Maybe all these people really do have perfect bodies, relationships and love lives (and if they do, I’m glad for them), but they aren’t a Stepford wife. They may not be able to parallel park a car, possibly can’t sing for shit, maybe can’t walk a tightrope (but, honestly, who doesn’t know how to do that?). The point is, emphatically, nobody’s perfect.

I ate that packet of chips, but I’m eating well otherwise. In the great scheme of things, that was not my worst offence. I will keep eating well from this point forward, but I will not hate myself if I occasionally swan dive into a milkshake. I’ll exercise as much as I can, but allow for the fact that I’m not an actress being paid to workout, and I will probably have life happen enough to interrupt my regular training schedule. I will wake up fifteen minutes before I need to leave for work, I will leave dirty knickers on my floor for three days, I will send an email without attachments, and I will cry myself to sleep some nights for no “good” reason. After doing all this though, I hope I will pick up and keep striving for things above this.

“To forgive, divine” is how the quote finishes. Maybe instead of aiming for divinity in making ourselves the incarnation of popular ideas of perfection, we need to achieve the greater divinity of forgiving ourselves.