Good news everybody! My brain is starting to behave itself.
*applause ensues*
Whether it’s a combination of my dietary health, new spiritually embracive mindset or my small doses of anti-depressants, in the last month I’ve begun to feel like a human again. It’s truly strange (and wonderful) to feel joy again after I haven’t really felt it for the better part of a year.
Today I sat in the sunshine and enjoyed the company of a friend. I drove over a bridge this morning, watched Stanley Park rise in front of me, and actually appreciated how beautiful it is. I got my nails painted, and it was frivolous and silly. I also joined a gym, and was thrilled.
Here’s step number two: the brain is starting to behave, so I am reigning in my self worth and getting the body there too. My main incentive is to fix my health. It’s like Reese Whitherspoon’s character says in Legally Blonde:
“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t shoot their husbands. They just don’t!”
Wise words indeed. I mean, I don’t have a husband, and I’m not the biggest fan of pink, but the principle translates well.
I’ve previously tried to get fit, but the perpetual cycle of poor belief in myself, classic laziness and the after effects of the fat kid mentality have culminated in what I can currently describe as a not terribly unfit, but definitely cuddly 26 year old woman. Though I don’t hate this state of affairs, it’s not the modus operandi I intend to continue with. Funnily enough, depression and succumbing to a family history of Alzheimer’s and type two diabetes don’t appeal to me.
So I joined a gym. I don’t trust my inspiration to hold out, so I’ve also gotten myself a personal trainer. I’ll do my own workouts until Wednesday, when I get started with my trainer. Hopefully that gets things going in the right direction. Maybe if this keeps up, I’ll end up with actual abs. More importantly, maybe I’ll be able to jog without feeling like I’m vomiting up a lung. Most importantly, maybe I’ll feel like I’m in control of my body and it’s progress in this world.
Autonomy for the win.
deaddogdiary 