Teach Your Children Well

I don’t have children. I’m a 25 year old woman, so unfortunately I receive a lot of queries about my child bearing status. It’s never questions like “do you want to have children?” This is assumed. It’s more questions like “when are you going to have kids?” Time is, apparently, ticking. This interesting assumption is worthy of a number of blog posts for a number of different reasons, but it is not the subject of today’s post. I merely wanted to say I don’t have children, I don’t know whether I will have children, and I am certainly no expert in child rearing. I’m aware of my lack of expertise, so what I’m about to say is not the sage advice of a deluded 20-something, but the observations of a concerned member of society.

Teach your children well. It’s not a new message, I know, but it’s one that seems increasingly relevant. Children are delightful, if inexplicably gooey, sponges. They see or hear something, and they learn from it. If you’re a parent, I don’t need to be telling you this. Your child has watched you put on makeup and jewellery, then a few days later you find them in the middle of your bedroom, looking like a very decorated incarnation of the Joker. You’ve accidentally sworn in front of them, and suddenly fuck becomes their favourite word. They learn to “fit in” by walking, talking, dressing and acting like other people.

Try to make sure the influences in your child’s life are largely positive. I know this is not always possible (there’s always that random kid at school who’s mission it is to teach every other kid all the swear words), but try. You won’t be able to make every decision for them in life, but at least give them a clean slate to make their own bad decisions. Then, if they turn out to be a homicidal maniac, you can blame society. Children watch and learn, so if they see things as normal, they’ll absorb those norms.

There are the little things they observe like girls being praised for their looks and boys being told to man up, or being encouraged to stop doing something creative because it’s a waste of time. These things start the ball rolling for ideological beliefs that can have huge societal impact down the line. Then there are the bigger things.

Don’t let your child grow up thinking it’s normal to abuse their partner. Children learn. If they see their dad drinking excessively every night, they won’t have a normal grasp on an acceptable amount of alcohol. If dad shouts at mum all the time, calling her a slut, a whore, telling her she’s lazy and just using him for his money, the child will think this is how relationships work. If dad hits mum when she’s out of line, they’ll see that’s how men are supposed to treat women. If they see their mother become a shell of a person, afraid of slipping up and bringing attention to themselves, they will think this is how women should behave.

I’m focusing on male violence towards women here because of a particular case I have a bearing in at the moment. I know Not All Men abuse women and treat them badly, but for goodness sake Yes All Women know the effect of this inherited power imbalance. Don’t let a little boy grow up thinking that getting wasted every night and slapping his woman around is normal. Don’t let a girl grow up thinking she has to submit to this kind of behaviour.

If you feel you can’t escape, I am truly sorry. I know the fear is enormous and very real. I wish I could post a link to this story for a truly excellent women’s refuge centre, or a government body who could stop your partner from following you and your kids when you leave. If you leave, things might be hard. If you stay, things will definitely be hard. You child will grow up, meet other people, maybe fall in love. Maybe they’ll beat the adversity of their upbringing and be a genuine, kind and strong person. Or maybe they’ll punch their wife’s face, telling her if they wanted to kill her, they could.

Please, teach your children well.

Walking Away

As I have previously mentioned, I am a driving instructor. I love driving. Not many things beat the freedom I felt the first time I drove my first car by myself. I could go anywhere, do whatever I want. If I wanted to play my music loudly and sing along, I could with no complaints. I could go buy food, then eat it without criticism. If angry, I could drive off through the countryside to clear my head. Driving was, and still is to a degree, liberating. Unfortunately, driving has its downsides too. Apart from causing debt, being expensive and being bad for the environment, owning and driving a car has lead to something simple and sinister.

I don’t walk. Well, I walk in the sense that my legs work and they carry me around the place. The problem is I don’t walk nearly enough for my own health. I drive constantly for work (days where I often leave home before 7am and arrive home after 6pm), meaning I’m sitting all through the daylight hours. I drive to the shops. I drive to everything. There is nowhere I go on a regular basis that I don’t drive to. I don’t even catch the bus or train anymore, as I’m always needed in my car. I have more than reached the point where I don’t want to have to drive at all.

When I was ten years old, I read Pride and Prejudice. Every since, I have been a big Jane Austin fan, but that is beside the point. One of the things I loved about Elizabeth Bennet is she is independent, and enjoys exercising her independence with her physical power. Through the book, she relishes in her ability to walk everywhere. She gets criticised by Bingley’s sisters for her eccentricity in walking, but she continues regardless to an admirable degree.

One of the things I’m looking forward to most about moving to Vancouver is walking everywhere. I won’t have a car. I won’t have a motorbike. I hope I can find work near where I live and walk to work every day. I want to walk to the grocery store. I’ll catch trains and buses. Maybe I’ll buy a pushbike. Feel free to remind me of my resolve when I’m complaining about how much I have to carry, how long it takes to wait for public transport, or how far I have to walk in the rain and snow. Right now, however, I long to feel powerful. I want to walk away.

The Road Goes Ever On and On

Today I did something big. This big thing is what I’ve been traveling towards since Archie died. It’s one of the bigger reasons I started this blog. I handed in my final paperwork for an international working visa in Canada. They’ve given me approval, and I’m now just waiting for the details to be finalised.

Now that I have taken this step, I feel an overwhelming sense of freedom and purpose. I can now line up all the things I need to do, and knock them over, one by one. The visa application felt like such a big, worrying thing. It consumed my focus, leaving little time or energy for other things. Now that it’s done, full steam ahead!

My plan (loosely) is to go to Canada, live and work there as long as I feel I should, then see where life takes me. I’ll start in Vancouver. Leaving my country, my family and my friends is hard enough, so Canada seemed like a friendly, not too unfamiliar place to dip my toe in the water (although, not too much, as I’ll be going in winter, and I don’t want frostbite).

I have no concrete plans over there, so I’ll take any suggestions. What should I do? Where should I work? Is there something ridiculous, amazing, otherwise you want to try in Canada that I should maybe have a go at? Leave comments. Hell, leave dares – I’m up for anything legal that won’t leave me bankrupt.

I now have to sort out the present. How will I spend my remaining time in Australia? What do I need to get prepared before I leave? Who do I need to say goodbye to? My life is now in a delicious kind of self-enforced limbo, and I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

As the affable Mr Bilbo Baggins said, “The road goes ever on and on”. I look forward to seeing just how far.

Take 3

After a brief hiatus, I’m back (details in my next post).

For those of you who don’t know, my day job is teaching people to drive. No, it’s not terrifying. No, I’m not any braver than anyone else. My L platers are great. It’s the other weirdos on the road I’m more worried about. Anyway, the point is I spend a lot of time in a car. In between lessons, I listen to the radio. To be precise, I mix it up between golden oldies and Radio National (25 going on 75). A few days ago, I heard an interview on Radio National that I’ve been dying to share with you.

They interviewed a woman (I didn’t catch her name, as I came in halfway through the interview) from an organisation called Take 3. This Australian not for profit works to raise public awareness about the damage being done to marine ecosystems by plastic waste pollution. I highly encourage going to their website: http://www.take3.org.au. Apart from raising awareness about plastic pollution and what we can all do to reduce our plastic consumption, they have an interesting practical idea which the whole concept centres around.

When you’re in a public place like the beach, a park, heck – anywhere, pick up three pieces of rubbish and dispose of them responsibly. Sure, you can take more if you want, but three is an easy number to start. Anything you are picking up and putting where it’s supposed to go will hopefully not end up in a frothy waste pile in the Pacific Ocean (some light reading: http://education.nationalgeographic.com.au/encyclopedia/great-pacific-garbage-patch/).

I’ve started trying to incorporate this into my own life. Give it a try.

The Stacks

I’m a bit of a bibliophile. While I mostly love reading books, I have indulged over the years and collected a number of volumes that just haven’t been read. When I did my possession overhaul a while back, I got rid of the majority of unread books. I did keep a select few which I intend to get through before December. Some of these books I’ve started at different points, but have never finished. Others have never been opened. I’ve got the books in a little box at the side of my bed, ready to go. I also have a beeswax candle (reading by candlelight may be a little pretentious, but I just love the smell of beeswax), a good supply of peppermint tea, and a cosy sleeping bag. Now to make the time.

In Defence of Dogs by John Bradshaw

So maybe by now you’ve gathered I’m quite fond of dogs? I picked up this book by a renown biologist a few years back. It contains fascinating new research that counters a number of the assumptions people have about dogs. The first chapter was gripping. Before I could get to the second chapter, life happened. Oops.

The Glass Bead Game by Hermann Hesse

This book was a present from my cousins. I’ve always been interested in read Hesse, but never got around it. No time like the present, eh?

Thank You, Jeeves by PG Wodehouse

Anyone who’s read anything by Wodehouse doesn’t need me to wax lyrical about the deliciously pithy trip into the early 20th Century that awaits his readers. This is one I picked up years ago, meant to read, and never opened.

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

My father’s partner sent this to me sometime last year. Great first chapter, but I got busy (anyone spotting the trend?).

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Oh, Alexandre! I have been reading this book for years now. I’ll read a few chapters, then leave it for half a year. I’m about halfway through, so I really need to get my act together and finish.

Side note: I broke the cardinal book lover rule and watched the movie first. My excuse has two words – Guy Pearce.

Dragonclaw by Kate Forsyth

I picked this book up from the second hand bookstore on the recommendation of the woman working there. I’ve read other Kate Forsyth books and really enjoyed them. It’s exactly the kind of book I’d devour in a day or two, but I never opened it. Archie came closer to reading it than me; he ate the back cover.