Oops

My demise came in a box.

Well, it came in two boxes technically. All I did was click a few buttons on my iPad, and it all came tumbling down. All my resolve, all my sense of dignity. I’m destroyed, and it’s all my fault.

Why, oh why, do they deliver pizza to your door?

I mean, it’s all fine with the first piece. Maybe even the second. The problem is when you’ve hit your third piece of North American sized pizza. My self control is fragile at the best of times when it comes to food, but tonight it was non-existent. Half a pizza and a hefty serve of garlic bread later, I’m not looking too great.

I’m lying on the couch, watching a pretty appalling adaptation of a good book series. I’m not going anywhere for a while. I no longer need to imagine what I will look like if I ever get pregnant. I’m very glad I can just be a lump here for a few more hours.

I’ll go for a really long walk tomorrow.

Found It (Down the Back of the Couch, With the Remote Control, a Pen, and One Still Wrapped Stick of Gum)

This is a list of things I’ve found since moving to Vancouver (three months ago today):

My normal skin tone. It’s amazing, but I can finally see my skin as those generations of Scottish and Irish ancestors must have seen theirs. Except I think they would have been a wee bit grubbier. Three cheers for reliable indoor plumbing!

Loneliness. This is a funny one. Sometimes it’s terrible, sometimes it’s wonderful. It can ache so much it hurts, but it can offer a level of introspection that lends very nicely to personal development. Or madness. Not sure yet.

Unlimited water. I was shocked at the total lack of need for water conservation here. I’m a pro at the four-or-less-minute shower, but here I could take all day if I need to.  I can run water down the sink as I do the dishes. I can only imagine the look of horror on my face the first time I saw a Canadian do that.

The ability to make a swell cup of coffee. Sure, I could have managed that in Australia (probably better then I could here), but my last hospitality job there ended January 2009. Maybe I made an OK cup of coffee there, but here I make coffee I’m actually complimented on. I still need to work on latte art, though. There have been too many accidental penises. I actually had a customer laugh at one today.

Walking out of necessity. I love it. I seriously love to walk everywhere. Sure, I could handle having a car for grocery shopping or getting out of the rain, but I’m too poor for big lots of groceries, and water dries.

Que sera sera. Thank you Doris. I’ve learned there are some things I simply cannot control, no matter how much I want to. I just have to let things lie.

Time. I work at the cafe across the road from my house. It literally takes less than five minutes to walk from my apartment door to my work. I work as much as possible, but other than that, there are no set obligations. I have free time. I don’t use it wisely yet, but I’m getting there.

Inspiration. I find myself wanting to create more, and getting more ideas from the people I meet.

New friends. Cheesy, I know, but they had to be acknowledged.

It’s been three months. I’ve had time to settle into things and get my thoughts sorted. Now it’s time to deliberately move forward and find more.

Losing It

This is a list of the things I’ve lost since moving to Vancouver:

My tan. Honestly, as a pasty white girl, I didn’t realise I had one. Turns out I can go a whole new shade of pasty. It’s amazing what the absence of a hole in the ozone layer above you will do.

The use of a vehicle. That is great sometimes, as walking is now mandatory, but it wears thin when your shoes are soaking wet, or you want to drive off into the sunset on a whim.

A decent income. I’d forgotten how disheartening it is to go to the supermarket and prioritise which vegetables I can afford.

My psychologist. That’s a big one. She rocked.

My doctor. She also rocked, and was the first GP I’ve ever totally adored. She was also Irish. Need I say more?

The ability to keep up communication via message, even if I want to. Heck, especially if I want to. You see a message pop up, but don’t have time to answer it properly. By the time you do, you’ve run out of steam. Then there is too big a wait, so it becomes awkward. The overthinking cycle is delightful.

Access to my hug people. I’m finding new people to hug, but there are days where you miss the old ones so much.

A variety of clothes. My outfits are wearing a little thin, figuratively and literally. Speaking of…

A variety of pretty accessories. There are days where I want to look my best, then I have to look in the mirror and say “that’ll do”. Vanity moment over.

My ideals about a number of fairly crucial things.

My drive to get out and do things. I am beholden to few here, and hence feel little need to do all the things for all the people. This is good and bad, as I’ve seen more Gilmore Girls than I ever intended to. By the way, all Rory’s boyfriends suck on some level or another. So far…

Any real feeling of control over my life and circumstances. I’m working to fix this.

This list is not exhaustive. Tune in soon for a list of the things I’ve found.